I have been having problems writing lately. It always comes out like I’m angry. Its like there is so much going on that I don’t know where to begin…The trouble is what is happening in this country and in the world is bothering me too much. I am getting upset. Plus, the other day I tried to give advice to someone and was misunderstood and was called names.. At first I was angry but it didn’t take long for that anger to turn into pity….Maybe I was wrong but I did sense an underlying anger in the name caller. Its OK if that person vented on me. I feel sorry for her, its so sad….I’m just glad I don’t carry around that kind of hate. This is why I’m doing what I’m doing…..The other day, one of the sites that send me writing ideas, sent me, “Bernadette Mayer’s list of Journal Ideas“…..I think I’m going to try it. Each day and I will try to go in order. I will write about what she suggests, without being negative. Starting with dreams.
Lately I have been talking on the phone to a very beautiful much younger past girlfriend of mine…She calls me every day and we talk about her problems, my problems and other things…Well, last weekend she was supposed visit and stay at my house for a few days. One thing led to another and she didn’t come down. I said something and later I felt horrible. I thought about my stupidity all day Monday and texted an apology late that night before I went to bed. I was thinking she would never call me again and I got sick about that. As a result I had a dream Monday night. It was the kind of dream that I don’t remember much about but it wasn’t bad. Not a nightmare. In the dream it was just a very foggy day, like warm and smoky but I could see through the fog…There she was sitting on a rock near the ocean looking at me…She was smiling that beautiful smile of hers…I knew then she was OK…She called me the next day and the first thing I did was apologize…After we hung up I cried.